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Yamasaki Smart Toilet Bidet

Toilet paper crisis? Owners of the Yamasaki Smart Toilet Bidet are laughing from their porcelain thrones at the buffoons fighting over butt paper. Sit back, relax and enjoy a strong, pleasant jet of water spritzing the poop right off your bumhole. Stop rubbing your poop socket raw with cheap crumbly paper – that’s exactly what the billion-dollar toilet paper industry wants you to do. If you got poop on your arm or face would you smear it around with abrasive paper and call it good? No way! So why is that good enough for your bunghole? It’s not good enough. You deserve better.

To the uninitiated, the idea of pointing a sprinkler system at your turd-launcher can be a tad off-putting. I’m not gonna lie, it’s gonna tickle at first. You’re gonna line it up wrong and accidentally spray your genitals a few times until you get the hang of things. But oh boy, once you do get the hang of it you’ll learn to love that tickle. You’ll start craving it like you crave a shower after doing yard work. Within a fortnight your brain will associate the tickle of water spritzing your fart box with pure cleanliness. Say goodbye to dingleberries. Say goodbye to scraping your anal cavity raw with abrasive toilet paper. Say hello to the Yamasaki Smart Toilet Bidet.